For very young to young children

If it's difficult for you to talk about this topic with your child or if you feel they are too young for the conversation, discussing secrets could be a good alternative. Many abusers will say things like, "This will be our little secret!" or "Don't tell anyone." It's important to have a conversation with your child to explain that no adult should ask them to keep a secret from you. This might be tricky, as there are good secrets, like surprises, but I recommend avoiding the use of "secrets" with your child altogether. You could also suggest that if an adult asks them to keep a secret, they can say, "I tell everything to my [parent/caregiver]." Additionally, you can check in with your child by asking, "Has anyone asked you to keep a secret?" This could open the door for a helpful conversation.

Adeline T.

For very young to young children

The pediatrician of my friend's kids asked them to undress and explained it like this:
"I'm a doctor, and I need to check your body to make sure you're healthy. Your mom is here with you to keep you safe. Just so you know, no one should ever ask to see your private parts unless they're a doctor and someone you trust is with you."

And if the doctor doesn’t say something like this, go ahead and explain it yourself in front of the doctor. You might even teach them a good habit they can use with other kids in the future. 😉

For very young to young children

Most abusers will test a child's physical boundaries and reactions, but they will also do the same with the protective adults around the child. Establishing basic rules, such as not walking naked in the house, keeping doors closed while using the restroom, and knocking on doors before entering, can help protect everyone’s privacy. Be sure to explain these rules to your child and all household members.

As soon as your child is developmentally ready, encourage them to take baths or showers alone to foster their independence and privacy.

Share these rules with all family members and anyone new entering the family (e.g., a nanny or new partner), ideally in front of your children, so everyone is aligned. Make sure to respect these rules yourself and discuss them regularly. This will make it easier for your child to report any violations if they occur.

Adeline T.